Gravity 2, Phoenix 0


FallingGravity is my arch nemesis.

I take Tang Soo Do at College of DuPage. It is a Korean martial arts style, and the cooler sister of Tae Kwon Do. While Tae Kwon Do is flashy, Tang Soo Do is more about getting to the point (i.e. self defense and kicking butt).

A few weeks ago in class, one of the white belts (I love you Tim, you big furry teddy bear!) was holding a hand pad and the rest of us were in line to roundhouse kick it. My flexibility in my hips is poor, so I wasn’t able to kick as high as the pad. I missed the pad entirely and landed on the floor.

I wish someone took a video, because that would have gone viral on YouTube by now. I hurt my middle back, right elbow, right knee, and left wrist. Whatever.

So my wounds finally healed up, but only after my 16 month old (as of today!) son Lincoln learned to point to my elbow and say “owie”. By last Sunday I was recovered, and feeling better. In fact, I felt well enough to goof around with my co-worker, let’s call him “Alex”, after work at in the parking lot. It had been raining all day, so by 11:30pm when we finally escaped Minas Morgul, everything was wet. It was just the two of us in the parking lot, and he wanted to wrestle because he’s weird like that. I don’t know anything about wrestling, so I demonstrated a kick to let him know not to mess with me. It did the trick because he ran around to the other side of his car like a wuss. I wasn’t even really going to kick him. I mean, not unless he came at me of course.

So “Alex” is on the other side of his car, trying to unlock the passenger door. I still wanted to mess with him because that’s what we do. But the only way to reach him would be to jump on the hood of his car and slide across it like in the movies. Obviously that’s a stupid idea and nobody in their right mind would attempt that, especially given how wet the hood was. But when would I ever have another excuse to do it?

It was like a Slip ‘n Slide. Next thing I know, I’m lying on the pavement dazed and in pain. Once again, I wish someone took a video. That would have been my second viral hit. I had recovered from the injuries of my first fall just in time to hurt my lower back, right shoulder, and once again my right elbow.  So I was lying on the ground obviously hurt, and did “Alex” check to see if I was okay? No, the little wuss ran around his car and got in the drivers seat. I was lying on the ground in pain and he was still afraid of me! I had to get up quick though because I was afraid he was going to run me over. I hope I dented his hood.

Gravity is my arch nemesis, and it will strike again. I just hope that somebody catches it on video next time.

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